Dwelling on the Negative?

 

Ever find yourself focused so much on your partner’s one annoying habit and you end up ignoring so many of their good habits? Ever negatively ruminate after getting some constructive feedback from your boss even though your past performance reviews have been glowing?

Seems skewed, doesn’t it?

 

Why do we use so much of our energy and attention on the negative stuff?

Why don’t we seem to notice the positives in the same way?

 

Don’t worry, you aren’t alone in this, we all do it. All the time. It is a fun little trick our minds do without us even realizing it.

We call this the Negativity Bias.

But why do we do something that would only make us feel more miserable?

 

Background Biology Lesson Time! (You can skip this if you want)

That answer lies in the hundreds of thousands of years of human evolution. Evolutionary biologists believe that focusing on the negative likely helped our ancestors learn from bad experiences.

Imagine spending years walking through the tall grasses for food or whatnot and never having a problem. Then, just one time, you were badly bit by a rodent hiding in those grasses. Because you are so stuck on thinking about that one awful time, you are less likely to walk through the tall grasses again. And by doing so, you could have a better chance of survival.

Focusing on the bad can pay off, in a life or death kind of way! You can thank natural selection for passing that negativity rumination right on to you!

 

Now, we certainly don’t face the same daily life/death challenges our ancient ancestors did. However, we still utilize this subconscious negativity bias to our advantage in the modern age. For example:

• A child who runs excitedly over to an unknown dog and gets bitten will likely remember/talk about that experience for a long time, and will be more likely to act more carefully around dogs in the future.
• Having a beloved ex break up with their partner because of their messy living behaviors might make that person much more aware of and even anxious about leaving messes around in the future.

We can take negative experiences and use them to learn from. In this way, thinking about the negative over and over can help that process of re-wiring the brain for the better.

However, it obviously has its drawbacks. Ruminating on the negative can increase symptoms associated with anxiety, depression, and trauma. The negativity bias can generally bring down our mood, increase irritability and decrease resourcefulness.

 

So can we do anything about our own negativity bias?

 

Yep! Here come some of those little helpful nuggets your therapist might say…

• Reframing: Take any given situation, and try looking at it from a slightly different perspective. “My 2-year-old refuses to eat anything unless it has cheese on it!” can also be “My 2-year-old will eat anything, as long as it has cheese on it!”
• Purposefully see the positives: I often suggest that my clients set aside even 5-10 minutes at the end of their day to either think of, or write down, 5 good things that happened that day, no matter how small.
• Growth Mindset: When you find yourself with a negative rumination, try to shift into the mind of a learner. What can you take away from that experience? How could you try to do differently if faced with a similar situation in the future?
• Distraction: The practice of shifting your mind to something else when you find yourself stuck with negativity. Find an activity that needs your mind’s attention to complete (crosswords, writing, talking to a friend on the phone, etc.).

 

When you notice yourself overly focused on the negatives and not attending enough to the positives, just remember that your brain is only doing what it thinks is helpful. Take what is useful from the negativity bias, and then use the tools above to help find a better balance for yourself.

Take a moment to think about how the negativity bias shows up in your life and discuss it with your therapist. You may find patterns for yourself and can discover ways to shift your thoughts to increase your mood, resourcefulness and overall satisfaction in your life.